Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
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