I'm really into asian looking animals
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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