I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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