so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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