can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
