I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Found the puke drawer
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize