a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
