I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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