about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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