She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize