And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
