so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
