is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
