Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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