Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You took a bar mat shot.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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