There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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