Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
