It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
