Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
