what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
