at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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