The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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