And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
