My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
