my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
