I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
