I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
There's always time for handjobs
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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