I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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