just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
