So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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