This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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