I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
