dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Houston, we have a blender
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
