i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
