He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize