The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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