I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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