this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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