Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
