Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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