so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize