I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
