i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
pray to the hookup gods
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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