are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you will always have a special place in my vag
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
