There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
