i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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