Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
