Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
