once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
