You can't motorboat a personality
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
