So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
