Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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