I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
