After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
