my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
