I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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