Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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