No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
