I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
i think im in europe. pls send help
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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