I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
