she looked like the before picture.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
