i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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