my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
