shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
