We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
