she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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