took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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