if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
