Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Randomize
