i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
