My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize