I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
