there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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