Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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