I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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