I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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