Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Is Oprah even human
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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