Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
