I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
