I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
