he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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